He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
