You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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