well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
