from now on my penis is your penis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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