I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize