I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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