i think my mom watched the whole time
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
