I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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