Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
