somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
