you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
