I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So much Jack, so little girl.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
