did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
