i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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