before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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