i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
