apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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