Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
