as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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