i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
