Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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