I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
