so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
