My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
