So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
