I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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