Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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