I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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