Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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