Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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