I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
