She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
