Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
