idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Green mimosas i think yes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
