Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
