The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
where are my eyebrows?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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