Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
