I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
