My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
