people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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