he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
