I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
