3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
