I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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