just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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