woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
