that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
