i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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