My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
