Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
