I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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