He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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