is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
