This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
