got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
