Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
