1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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