did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
