i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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