I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
