There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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