Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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