Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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