It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
