I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
