I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
