What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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